im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
