Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
