The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
