pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
