I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
