Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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