Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
