They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
