The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
what day is it and did you see me today?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
