Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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