how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
