i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i think i have herpe
just one?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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