Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
