I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
