I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
