one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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