i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
