I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Vodka?
Forever.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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