i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
