Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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