i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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