idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
