im drinking this country out of the recession.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
