i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize