I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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