we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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