The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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