Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
