Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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