i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
