the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
