who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
