I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
