That's intense
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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