He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
