so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
