ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
