Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
They took my balls.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
