Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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