i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
