when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
