i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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