I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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