life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
