He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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