get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
