my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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