The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
