Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he puts the penis in happiness.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
