there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The air was thick with penises
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
