i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
