I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
4 words: hood of his car
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
