At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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