he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I feel like abortions should bother me more
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
