Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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