I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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