Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
did i just pee glitter
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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