Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
