I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
