check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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