hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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