Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
