i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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