grandma shit on top of the toilet
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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