i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
