i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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