DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
