thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
