Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
