Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
